


Beautiful Melancholy

by BandanaBoyfriends



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Ashton is kind of an ass, Calum and Luke have a really huge friendship in this, I suck at tagging, M/M, luke is really sad, michael gets really angry towards the end, really fluffy cake, so does calum, sorry - Freeform, this made me really sad tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 18:52:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2161314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BandanaBoyfriends/pseuds/BandanaBoyfriends
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke doesn't bother to hide the fact that he has feelings for Ashton, but he never goes out of his way to admit it.<br/>His heart is constantly being broken every time he sees Ashton flirt with their fans and Calum can't bare to see him so upset. </p><p>Or</p><p>Luke actually has a problem admitting his feelings and he pushes everyone away except Calum because he's the only one who seems to understand that's he's taken a swan dive off the cliff.<br/>And Luke is just trying to cope with the torture that is loving Ashton Irwin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first post on AO3 and my very first Lashton so I hope you enjoy!

He'd never really tried to hide it, because he knew it wouldn't have worked out anyways. He was prone to blushing at the stupidest things and zone out while staring at people, so how could he ever hide the fact that he's in love with his best friend?

It's not a clean cut, easy going kind of love because it's unrequited and Luke has a problem with admitting his feelings. It's difficult to do things sometimes, like when they'd accepted their TCA award and he had to stand next to Ashton, with only towels wrapped around their waists. He drove the camera crew insane because he was a stuttering mess and the make up crew had to keep applying more foundation to his skin to hide the blush on his cheeks and neck. It was embarrassing because Calum kept shooting him these looks while Michael and Ashton just looked at him in confusion and asked him what his problem was.

 

"We need to talk." Calum announced, walking into the back lounge on the bus. He pulled the door closed behind him and Luke sighed in defeat, already knowing what was coming.

"I want to start off by saying that I am in no way ashamed of you, alright?" Calum starts, sitting down opposite of Luke. Luke just nodded and hugged his guitar closer to him, using it as protection, though he doesn't know what from.

"And second off, it's going to be okay." Calum says and he's giving Luke this look that tells him everything his words aren't covering and Luke feels like a complete child when tears start to well up in his eyes.

"How long?" Calum asks and presses their calves together as a form of comfort. The warmth of Calum's skin against Luke's is enough to calm him down, which is strange because all he had done was press his leg against his.

"Since our second band practice." Luke muttered and stared down at the music sheet on the table and he kind of wants to set himself on fire right now because the words on the paper are screaming Ashton's name.

"I kind of figured. I've never seen you look at someone the way you look at Ashton," Calum smiles and the folds underneath his eyes make Luke grin because Calum was being adorable on purpose, like he always did when Luke was upset.

 

Luke's chest aches. It aches because he's watching Ashton flirt with these girls in the parking lot of the venue they'll be performing at. His eyes sting and he's holding back tears as well as he can, but some of the fans notice and try to comfort him, which only makes things worse. He swiped away the tears as soon as they fall and the girls scream, surging forward to be the first to comfort him.

_"Luke what's wrong?"_

_"Did someone hurt you?"_

_"Why are you crying, is something the matter?"_

Calum hears the commotion and pulls Luke away from the girls, taking him into the venue and leaving behind the loud voices.

"What's wrong?" Calum asks once they've made it to the dressing room. It's completely deserted. Luke can hear Niall's voice echoing throughout the walls as they go through soundcheck and if he listens close enough he can hear crew members shouting at them to try and be a little more serious, but it's a lost cause.

Luke is taken back to the conversation at hand when another jolt goes through his chest and he's holding back tears again.

"I can't watch Ashton flirt with those girls. It sounds selfish but my chest _hurts_ ," Luke breathed out and Calum frowned deeply, which was not a everyday occurrence.

He pulled Luke into his chest and easily wrapped his arms around him, nuzzling him closely.

They're just standing there, breathing together and not saying anything.

The painful knot in Luke's chest slowly eases as Calum hums into his hair, swaying them back and forth. His hands have slipped into the underside of Luke's jumper, rubbing at his spine in a gentle motion, calming Luke down without having to say anything.

"This may be stepping over the line, but maybe you should tell him?" Calum suggests and Luke is quick to shake his head.

"I can't, Cal. He'll hate me." Luke muttered and Calum doesn't get a chance to answer because Ashton and Michael stumble through the door, laughing loudly.

"What's wrong?" Ashton asks immediately, taking notice of the tension in the air and dropping his smile.

"Nothing." Luke says quickly and pulls away from Calum. Calum frowns sadly at Luke but doesn't say anything as Ashton and Michael look at them suspiciously.

 

It gets harder, because they're more famous than ever and they're getting more attention, so that means more fans lining up outside their tour bus, trying to talk to them. Luke stays close to Calum as they head out to say hi and meet the fans. He has to leave nearly as soon as they're out there because Ashton goes straight to the prettiest girls and Luke can't breathe, so he goes back onto the tour bus, barely making it on before the tears are flowing. Calum just hugs him and doesn't say anything.

 

It's not fair. Luke sees Ashton staring at him, can feel his eyes on his face, and he's not looking away. Luke doesn't want to look at him, but he starts to fidget when Ashton's still staring at him a few moments later.

Finally he turns to look at him and his heart nearly stops because the light is hitting Ashton at a perfect angle. His eyes are bright and sparkling beautifully and his hair is perfectly messy on top of his head. His dimples are making an appearance, even though Ashton isn't smiling, and Luke can't stop the blush spreading on his face as he raises an eyebrow at Ashton.

Ashton still doesn't look away and Luke should be getting uncomfortable, but he _doesn't_ because it's _Ashton_ , so it kind of makes it okay. Luke peels his eyes away and turns back to the interviewer. He finally relaxes when the weight of Ashton's gaze finally leaves. Luke slumps into Calum, and Calum has long since realized he usually does this when Ashton does something.

 

 

It's raining and nearly freezing on the bus, which is why Luke is laying inside the protection of his bunk with an episode of How I Met Your Mother playing on his laptop. He can hear Michael beside him, swearing at a game of whatever he's playing, and Calum is breathing heavily below him. They all retired early, the pouring rain having a calming effect on them. The crew are at the front of the bus, talking softly, trying to let the boys sleep, even though two of them are still awake.

Luke nearly jumps out of his skin when his curtain is pulled back and Ashton is looking at him with bleary eyes.

"Lukey," he breathed querulously. Luke doesn't even think about it as he moves over and pulls his duvet up, inviting him in. Ashton wordlessly climbed in beside Luke and shuffled around until he's half draped over Luke, resting his head against Luke's collar bone so he can watch the show.

Luke can't concentrate. Ashton's eyelashes are fluttering against his skin, his breath is fanning out hotly against his bare chest and his hair is tickling at Luke's nose.

Ashton is rarely this close, and never with any of the other boys. He's always been the type of person who simply needed their personally space, so whenever Ashton cuddled with Luke, he always cherished it.

Ashton's arms are wrapped around Luke's waist and he's pressing his toes into Luke's calf and breathing so softly Luke is sure he's fallen asleep.

"Luke?" Ashton asks suddenly, scaring Luke for the second time that night.

"Yeah?" Luke answers, taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart.

"Why have you been so sad lately?" Ashton asks and turns his head upward to look and Luke. He's so close to him that their breath is mixing together, and Ashton's lips are nearly touching Luke's jaw.

"What do you mean?" Luke asks, confused. He's pointedly ignoring how close Ashton is, and how easy it would be for him to lean down and kiss him.

"Every time I walk into a room, I always see Cal comforting you. It makes me sad to see you upset, Lukey." Ashton looks so small right now, so young and untouched by the world. He's frowning up at Luke like he's told him Christmas has been canceled and Luke wants to laugh because Ashton is older than him, not a child.

"What's been making you upset?" Ashton asks when Luke doesn't reply. Luke's chest is hurting again and he found him blinking back tears for the hundredth time. Ashton is quick to see his sudden mood change and leaned up to press a soothing kiss to Luke's jaw, but it only makes things worse and Luke paws at his face when the tears finally slip down.

"Lukey," Ashton frowns and he looks mildly panicked when Luke wipes away the tears.

"I'm fine," Luke says quickly and his chest tightens even more as he lies to Ashton's face. He would honestly rather the ground swallow him up right now than be this close to Ashton while he asks him why he's sad.

"No you're not." Ashton says, brushing his fingers lightly over Luke's hipbones. Luke's head is swimming, and he's trying so hard to keep breathing.

"I'm pining after someone who doesn't want me," Luke finally says and regrets it when Ashton's frown deepened.

"You're too good for them." Ashton says immediately and Luke laughs bitterly.

"No," he said. "He's too good for _me_."

 

When Ashton sees Luke tucked into Calum's arms, he frowns and sends Luke a pitying look, smiles sympathetically and turns back to his conversation.

"You're okay," Calum muttered into Luke's ear, holding him tightly to his chest while Michael and Ashton talk loudly in front of them. They're in the dressing room and Luke is having a mental breakdown because he saw Ashton kiss a fan when they were outside. He's trying to hold in the tears, but it's not working. The ache in his chest seems like a constant presence and he's so familiar with it he doesn't even question it anymore.

He turns his face away from Michael and Ashton when the tears start falling and Calum feels the wetness as soon as he moved. He tries to force back tears of his own, because he loves Luke so much, and seeing him hurt like this, it _killed_.

Luke's breathing is stuttering, and his silent sobs vibrate through Calum painfully, shocking him to the bone.

"Is he sleeping?" Michael scoffed and Calum looked up at Michael and Ashton, who seem to be aware that something is happening.

"Yeah, he's pretty tired." Calum said softly, masking the hitch in his voice with a simple clear of the throat.

He blocks Luke from their view, and hums over the soft sounds of his cries.

It's horrible, that Luke is crying his eyes out five feet away from his best friends, who are completely oblivious. He kind of wants to laugh, because it seems so odd that he's caving in on himself while they laugh and anticipate the concert mere minutes away.

Calum's presence is steady around him and Luke can feel him everywhere. He can feel his soft humming resonate through him, and can feel his breath ruffle through the top of his quiff. Calum's arms are tight around Luke and he's so grateful because he feels that if Calum lets go, he'll fall apart.

 

They're on stage now, and Luke's eyes are hyper sensitive from his meltdown earlier, but his chest is lighter now that he's singing his heart out to the thousands of screaming fans. Calum sticks to him the entire time, and even goes as far as constantly sharing a microphone with him. Michael is shooting them confused looks, but doesn't bring it up.

Luke loses it when he turns around and sees Ashton slam down on his drums and his whole body feels like it's on fire. He misses his queue and blushes darkly, passing it off as forgetting the words and making the fans laugh.

He doesn't turn around again, but his stomach is still tugging painfully and Luke kind of hates Ashton right now.

 

"What I want is for you to be happy and you're clearly not so fucking _do something_ ," Calum shouts and Luke flinches away. He had tried to converse with Calum as quietly as they could while they shared the back room with Zayn, Niall, Michael and Ashton. The four of them look at them, shock written across their faces. Calum sighs heavily and closes his eyes, regretting his outburst because now Luke looks so close to tears and he can't handle another round, because his heart is breaking into a thousand pieces and the sharp edges are ripping away at his insides. He's seen Luke hurt for months now, has heard him cry himself to sleep more times than he'd care to count. He's held him while he breaks down, has calmed him down and assured him that things are going to be okay but he can see Luke breaking and he's terrified that if he doesn't do something soon, Luke isn't going to be okay.

Luke's lip is wobbling dangerously and Calum scoops him into a hug, whispering painful apologies and "I love you's" while the boys watch them, confused.

"Make it stop," Luke muttered and Calum nodded. He pressed his lips to Luke's temple and gently untagled himself and stood. "Mikey, Niall, Zayn. Come with me." He says and sees panic flare through Luke's eyes but he gives him a reassuring smile and leads the boys out.

"What's happening?" Niall asked, confused. Calum just smiles sadly and closes the door behind him. Ashton instantly moves to Luke's side and pulls him close.

 

"What's wrong?" He asks and Luke honestly hates Calum right now. He knew that Luke couldn't handle being alone with Ashton and now that he was near another break down.. It wasn't going to end well.

"I can't be here-" Luke choked out and stood, rushing to the door but Ashton's grabs his wrist and pulls him back. He has a pleading look in his eyes and Luke can feel his heart start to pick up in his chest.

"Please talk to me, I want to help," Ashton said softly and pulled Luke into him and wrap him in his arms. Luke's head is pounding now, as he argues with himself.

He doesn't want to say anything because he knows that if he tells Ashton the truth, everything will be ruined, but he doesn't know if he can handle another minute of the torture that is loving Ashton. He can feel it eating away at his heart and he feels like he can't breath, but he knows he is because all he can smell is coffee and a hint of after shave, all from Ashton.

"Talk to me," Ashton breathed and before Luke's brain even caught up with him, the truth is spilling out of his mouth and he can't stop it.

"I am hurting so much right now Ash. I'm going insane because ever since our second band practice I have been so in love with you. I don't even remember how it happened, just that one day looking at you reminded me of looking at the stars and every time you smiled it was like my heart was going to burst because you're so fucking beautiful." Luke chocked out and pulled back from Ashton. Ashton is gaping at Luke, like he can't believe he saying this. Luke's breathing is erratic and then there's this burning anger deep inside of him, and it's scary because he doesn't want to angry with Ashton but he's so emotionally unstable right now and he has no control. "Every goddamn day I have to watch you flirt with all these girls and every time you do it's like someone is sticking a needle into my heart. You have fucked me up so badly, and you haven't even realized it. I can't even bare to be alone in the same room with you because I feel like I'm going to start crying for no reason and I'm terrified that every time you look at me you'll figure it out, and hate me. I cannot do this anymore. I cannot live in a constant state of pain while you're off frolicking with some stupid girls that you don't even know." He's shouting, he knows that everyone can hear him but he needs to say this and he knows that if it doesn't come out now, it never will. "So there you go. What's wrong with me, is that I am so in love with you I can't even see straight."

 

It's even worse, and Luke can't understand how that's possible. He had walked away once he finished shouting his love at Ashton and Ashton hadn't come after him, nor bring it up anytime after, and that was it.

It seems now that's he's finally said it, the whole world is against him. He's seated next to Ashton in every interview and they're paired up every time they have an in band competition. Everyone is constantly walking an egg shells around him and he kind of wishes he could just hide away in his bunk for the rest of his life, wrapped up in a blanket and mope in his own sadness.

Calum is amazing. He's constantly next to Luke and making sure he's okay, and Luke can never thank him enough for it. Michael seems to be torn between everything and usually keeps his distance, refusing to get in the middle. He's always been an extrovert, but now a days they never see him anymore unless they're at an interview or performing.

It's a difficult time for them and Niall tries his best to keep the peace between them, though there isn't really anything to make peace for. They're not _fighting_ , they're not _arguing_ , and Luke wishes they were but they're not. They're all separated and closed off from each other, except for Calum and Luke.

The fans have noticed that something is wrong, right off the bat they knew the conflict was between Ashton and Luke.

Zayn is a constant presence for Luke, too. He doesn't say anything as he crawls into the bunk with him, just curls himself into his side and falls asleep with him.

 

It's seems like everyone is getting tired of the fragile state of the band, because Michael finally snaps one day while they're in soundcheck, because Luke and Ashton are clashing with each other. It's a disaster and the sound techs are wincing and looking at each other, at a loss for what to do.

"Fucking stop." Michael snaps and turns on everyone, his eyes angry and his hands clenched tightly around the neck of his guitar. "I am so tired of this. You two need to get a fucking grip, and talk to each other. Ashton you need to stop moping and talk to Luke instead of hiding away from him. I am sick of having to think about what I say before I speak, and I shouldn't even have to. If you guys don't talk, this band is going to fall apart and I don't want to see that happen." He snarls.The techs shift awkwardly in front of them and Zayn and Louis are completely silent below them, trying to make themselves as small as possible. Calum's taken an unconscious step towards Luke and that just sets Michael off even more. "And you-" he points a shaky finger at Calum and Luke's eyes widen because he's never seen Michael so angry before. "Stop babying Luke. I get that this is a rough situation and I might just be being an ass, but you need to stop. Nothing is going to be resolved until you talk about this." He says and Calum's arm falls mid reach. Michael peels his guitar off and pulls Calum off the stage, the techs following close behind them. Zayn gives Luke a reassuring smile before he and Louis leave, too.

Luke can't believe this is happening. Everyone is forcing them to do this, and it's terrifying because he knows Ashton doesn't want to talk to him, and he's okay with that.

"I guess we should talk, then." Ashton sighs and walks past Luke to sit on the edge of the stage. Luke hesitantly follows, making sure to put enough space between them. "Listen, Luke. I will admit that I don't want to talk about this. I've been ignoring you because I'm terrified of what will happen." Ashton stares down at his hand and Luke looks up at the sky, taking deep breathes and exhaling slowly. "You mean a lot to me Luke, you really do, and these past few days have been torture for me." Ashton turns toward Luke now, and doesn't say anything until Luke meets his eyes. "I am an idiot. I never thought about you as anything but a little brother to me, and I know it's bad, but I would still rather that be the case. But it's not. You basically forced me to open my eyes and actually see that maybe my feelings for you aren't really platonic, but I can't tell you anything except that because I just don't know. I don't think my feelings for you are deep enough to really go on," Luke didn't think it could get worse, but it just did.

 

Calum is _pissed_. He's on a rampage and the crew is staying as far away from them as possible while he chucks anything he can get his hands on at the wall. He's glad that Luke isn't here to see it, but everyone else is.

"I cannot believe you fucking said that to him!" Calum shouts and Ashton flinches back. No one comes to his rescue, not even Liam. They all know that what Ashton did was horrible, and Calum yelling at him is the least of what could have happened.

"You completely broke him! He can't stop crying and every time I look at him, all I see is pain and it's all because of you. You think you were making it better by telling him that you might have feelings for him? But that you weren't sure they were deep enough to actually go somewhere? You fucking didn't and now the rest of us have to pick up the remains of his heart off the ground because you can't say a god damn thing without hurting him!" Calum shouts and Ashton looks down, not meeting his eyes. "I didn't think you could make it worse, I thought that he was already drowning in his sadness, but then when we try to make you two talk it out and make things better, all you do is make it worse." Calum's throat is raw and he's light headed with how much he's yelling. Niall has disappeared after Zayn, who was back on the bus with Luke. Michael is leaning against the far wall, looking at them with a frown on his face and Louis, Harry and Liam are all siting together, not along eye contact but clearly listening.

"I'm sorry," Ashton whispered and shied away from the sarcastic laugh from Calum.

"You're sorry? You're fucking _sorry_? You're going to have to be a lot more than sorry to fix what you've broken." Calum growls and he sends Ashton one last withering look before he leaves the dressing room, the door slamming shut behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton knows he's fucked up, so he tries to think of ways that will make up for him being a dick. Like standing in the pouring rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's turns out that I have decided to write a second part... I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing because my feels are fried.

Ashton doesn't know what to do. He knows that he's being a dick, and that he's hurting Luke, but he doesn't know what to do about it.   
Every time he goes near Luke, Calum is there to keep him away, which actually really hurts because Ashton is trying to do the right thing, but no one is letting him.   
He's also being ignored by nearly everyone, never really invited to do anything and he always has to be the one who initiates the conversations, or else no one would talk to him.   
He knows that he fucked up. He knows it every time he looks at Luke and sees his eyes bloodshot and swollen. It hurts, but Ashton still doesn't know what to do because he's never felt like this before, and he's still not entirely sure what he's feeling.   
It's frustrating because whenever he goes to Michael for advice, he just narrows his eyes and tells him to "fucking figure it out yourself. This is your mess, don't ask me to help clean it up." And that's the first and last time he asks for advice. 

He stays away from the fans, because he knows how much it hurts Luke. He doesn't talk to them as much and if he does it's only small talk while he signs autographs and takes pictures.   
He's emotionally drained and he's always tired, so he's nearly always asleep whenever they have free time.   
Calum is like a guard dog, complete with nasty growls and bared teeth. Not literally, but he glares at Ashton every time he comes around. He knows that he's only protecting Luke, and if their roles were switched, he'd be doing the same thing.   
Calum is always wrapped around Luke, hugging him tightly and cuddling him in the back lounge, where they spend most of their time together. 

"What did you do to Luke?" Lauren asks and Ashton groans loudly and drops his head back onto his pillow, slinging his arm over his eyes and blocking out to outside world.   
"I messed up," Ashton says quietly and Lauren laughs.   
"I know you did. Everyone is freaking out at school because Luke seems like he's never happy anymore and I'm not stupid, I can tell it's because of you." Lauren says and pauses. "He looks at you in all your interviews, like he's going to start crying. I've never seen someone look so loving and sad at the same time," she mumbles and Ashton's stomach clenches painfully, bringing him back to the reality that he really fucked up.   
"I know. I would take it back if I could but I can't and I don't know what to do." Ashton says and waits with baited breath for his sister to say something.   
"Michael told me I'm not supposed to give you advice, but I know that if you don't figure it out, Luke is just going to hurt more." She says and sighs heavily, the line crackling with the sudden rush of air.   
"First of all, how do you feel about Luke?" She asks.   
"I love him, but I don't know how much-" Lauren groans into the phone and Ashton stops.   
"You're stupid. You know what you should do? You should go on the Lashton tag on Tumblr and just look at everything everyone is saying. I'm sure the pictures will show you just how much you love him." She says. 

Ashton does go onto the tag, hesitantly, and a week later. He hadn't thought it was a good idea because he had been on Tumblr lots of times and he knows what people say about them.   
But he's hunched over in his bunk with his laptop in front of him, showing the search bar of Tumblr. He doesn't want to do it, but Lauren had been so sure that it would make things easier so he sighs and types in Lashton and waits for the page to load.   
At first there's only people cooing over them and talking about them being a couple. There's lots of fans that are pissed off at Ashton for hurting Luke and he's baffled by how they know so much information. 

Have you seen the way Luke looks at Ashton these days? It's so heartbreaking but I can tell they're still in love. 

I don't know what Ashton did, but he better fix it. 

They're so perfect for each other and I doubt their fight will last long. 

If these two idiots don't get their shit together, I'm going to break into their tour bus and force them to work it out. 

I just want them to be okay. 

Ashton's heart starts to hurt the further he goes down. There's sad poetry with their names tagged in it, about heartbreak and breakups and loving someone who's not good for you. He scrolls past proof videos and numerous photoshopped photos and fan art. They're all making his stomach feel funny, and the more he reads, the more his head pounds.   
There's a picture next, and Ashton's breathing stops. It's he and Luke at an interview from a month ago, and he's taken aback when he sees the way he looks at Luke. He covers Luke up with his hand and he nearly chocked on his own spit because he's looking at him with so much love and fondness that he feels sick.   
There's another photo of Luke looking at Ashton under it, and the exact same look is plastered on Luke's features.   
'I see no difference.'  
There are gifs of Ashton just staring at him and he can't remember ever doing that, but if he hadn't known any better, who would have thought they were dating.   
There is a lone picture of Luke, smiling so brightly and happily and that picture had to be taken months ago because Ashton hasn't seem him smile since this whole shit storm had started.   
Luke's dimples are on full display and his eyes are crinkly and he's so beautiful that he takes Ashton's breath away. He's missed that smile so much, and he wants to see it again. 

Ashton doesn't understand how he let it get this far. He can't believe he let Luke hurt for this long without putting a stop to it.   
There's nothing he can ever do to make it up to him, but he's going to try his hardest. He refuses to give up on Luke. 

He has been roaming around the city for hours now, looking for some inspiration, but all he sees is couples walking around the stores, holding hands and laughing loudly. It's raining heavily and there are puddles all over the street. He sees a couple a few feet away and he stops to watch them for a minute when the man kneels down in front of her and presents a single red rose and he instantly knows what he's going to do. 

He has to cross town just to find a flower shop, and fans follow him there but don't really say anything and he's grateful.   
He buys four roses, and by the time he gets back to the stadium he's soaked and exhausted but it's so worth it.   
He asks one of his body guards to hold the roses for him while he goes onto the bus to talk to Calum.   
"Cal, can I talk to you?" He asks and both Calum and Luke look up at the sound of his voice. Calum's eyes narrow and Ashton sees the way his muscles coil as he tightens his arms around Luke.   
"Please," he adds and Calum sighs heavily.   
"Fine." He huffs and looked at Luke for a moment before he stood up. Calum leads Ashton into the front room and crosses his arms over his chest.   
"I figured it out. I know that I've been a dick for months now, and I don't want to see Luke hurt anymore because it's hurting me. I was stupid and selfish before and I would take it back if I could but I know I can't. I want to see Luke smile again, because without it, all I see is gray." Ashton rambles and Calum just stares at him. "I don't except him to forgive me right away but he has to know that I've figured myself out, that I care for him more than he thinks." Ashton says and Calum's jaw flexes and his fingers twitch. Ashton flinches slightly when Calum raised his hand, but he doesn't feel anything, like he expected. He looks at Calum and sees his fist still in he air but he looks resigned and exhausted. He drops his arm back to his side and sighs.   
"If you fuck up again, you're done. Do not cause him any more pain, do you understand?" Calum asks and Ashton nods quickly.   
"Where do you want to talk to him?" Calum asks softly and Ashton chewed on his lip.   
"Outside the bus," he says and Calum just nods. They head in opposite directions, Calum going back to Luke and Ashton heading outside. There's a couple of fans scattered around, but they aren't screaming or anything so he assumes the bodyguards took  
It upon themselves to quiet them down. Ashton takes the bouquet and faces the front of the bus. He fixes his hair, although it doesn't do much but flop wetly into his eyes. His overcoat is clinging to him and his skinny jeans are drenched and he wishes he could do this under better circumstances but there's no more time to waste. He has to do this now.   
His heart is pounding in his chest and he nearly passes out when Luke finally steps out of the bus. He's hugging himself tightly and shivering madly and Ashton wants to comfort him but he has no right to do that right now.   
Luke frowns at Ashton and takes in his surroundings, then hesitantly steps closer to Ashton.   
"I'm not even going to bother apologizing because you deserve much more than that." Ashton starts and Luke's eyes lock on Ashton. He can still see the redness rimming his eyes and he bites his lip to keep from losing it. "I don't know how I let this happen. I can't even begin to imagine how these past months have been for you, and I can't even begin to try and make it better. But I've been missing you so much it's making me physically sick. I haven't seen you smile for months and it's killing me. The sun is out and I can see it, but I can't feel any of it's warmth, if anything I'm just colder. I can't enjoy anything anymore because every time something good happens I want to share it with you, but I lost that privilege and it sucks." Ashton's voice is wobbling dangerously and he's forcing back tears while Luke watches him with sad eyes.   
"I finally figured myself out, much too late, but I have. I know that saying this isn't going to make up for anything but I thought you should know. I talked to Lauren and she was pissed at me for hurting you. And she told me that I should look through the Lashton tag on Tumblr, so I did. And I saw everything, everything you can imagine. I saw your picture and I couldn't help but feel so miserable because it's like you've become a stranger to me. But I also saw the way I looked at you and I thought, holy shit, how did I not notice this? I was so caught up in my own world and I was overthinking every single thing, that I didn't even notice that I had fallen in love with you." Ashton says softly and Luke's lips tug down into a frown and he looks like he's going to cry. His quiff is being ruined by the rain, but he doesn't seem to care.   
"I went walking through town, trying to figure out a way to say all of this when I saw a man give his girlfriend a rose." Ashton drops down onto his knee and Luke looks at him like he's insane.   
"You're going to get soaked, Ash." He says but Ashton shakes his head.   
"A white rose, to show you that no matter how stupid I have been lately, I was constantly thinking about you." Ashton says and hands the white rose over to Luke, who's blushing red now.   
"A pink rose to show my admiration and appreciation of you. You might not know just how much I care about you, but every time you look at that rose, I want you to count the stars in the sky and know that I love you beyond them." He says and hands the rose over.   
"An orange rose, because every time I think about you, my heart starts to hurt because my thoughts go a thousand miles a minute, picking up on all the dimensions of you and emphasizing how utterly beautiful you are. At the end of the day I feel emotionally drained because I'm constantly thinking about you." Luke clutches the roses to his chest and blinks quickly.   
Ashton takes a deep breath and looks Luke straight in the eyes as he pulls out the red rose.   
"A red rose, because I am so in love with you I can't see straight." He says and Luke laughs wetly and takes the rose, only to crush them between them as he throws himself down into Ashton's arms to hug him tightly.   
The feeling of Luke in his arms is like coming home, and he never wants to leave again. 

It's by no means completely resolved and Luke is still hesitant around him, but it's so much better because he smiles at him and hugs him all the time. Calum is still weary and insanely protective of Luke and Michael is just relieved they've fixed it.   
Ashton over uses the term 'I love you' but every time he says it, it brings a different feeling to both he and Luke and they both smile widely and he knows he's never going to get tired of saying it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate myself.

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot believe that I survived writing this so if the rest of you are still alive and have made it this far, I just want to say a massive I'm sorry..


End file.
